Jealous Heart
by gatehead81
Summary: Femslash. Janet has feeling for Sam that she cannot share with her friend and just once in every while they become too much for her and her life darkens for a short time. This is one of those times and Janet does not want to deal with it. Join her inner thoughts as she curses all those involved in making her face up to her jealous heart. Angst/Romance. One month after za'tarc ep. T


**AN: A weird one that came out of left field as it were. Angsty fluff. An unquantified scenario that may or may not turn into something bigger than a one-shot...probably not though.**

**Summary: Femslash. Janet Frasier has feeling for Sam Carter that she cannot share with her friend and just once in every while they become too much for her and her life darkens for a short time This is one of those times and taken unawares as she sits in her office, Janet does not want to deal with it. Join her inner thoughts as she curses all those involved in making her face up to her jealous heart. Angst/Romance. T rated. Set one month after the za'tarc incident.**

**Unedited**

* * *

**JEALOUS HEART**

* * *

Her head hit the desk hard and her fists balled so tight that her nails broke through the skin and Janet Frasier let out a frustrated roar. It was not fair, it would never be fair, but that was the way life was. It was the way it had to be.

The worst thing was Sam Carter did not know, she could never know and Janet hated that. She hated being forced to stay silence more than anything else in the whole world, in the whole galaxy even.

Even at that people knew. Thor knew, Daniel knew, hell even Teal'c was clued in, though he had never spoken of it. The Colonel? Well she was not sure. There had been a period of hostility toward her at one point and she thought he had figured it out but there was no way to be sure. He wouldn't, never mind couldn't ask and she sure as hell was not about to tell, not if she valued her life that was. He would rip her into tiny little pieces for so much as looking at his 2IC if she was open about her feelings. He loved her that much, he really did. Janet could understand that. Most of the time she wanted to knock his head off his shoulders for simply looking at her. Instead she used the big needle, not often but sometimes she just couldn't help herself. It was petty of course but jealousy made you do petty things.

Janet sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. Nine times out of ten...strike that, ten times out of ten raw envy tore through her soul when she saw them together, or read in a mission report that they had shared a tent off-world. Though that had stopped since the za'tarc incident, General Hammond's orders.

Frasier pouted, had it really stopped or were they just saying that? She sighed, no it was stopped alright. Jack and Sam would never break the rules. That meant nothing physical was happening between them. The assertion should have made her feel better but it didn't. It just made her more frustrated than ever. Sam deserved to be happy and no matter how much the thought of her being with Colonel O'Neill hurt, Janet loved the tall blonde enough to wish her true contentment and if that meant Jack was the one for her, well...so be it.

Her mind turned back to the events of the month gone past.

"More than I'm supposed to..."

He had actually admitted it. Albeit under duress and in a way that could be openly interpreted but he had said the words that she could not. Janet Frasier could never divulge her secret to her closest friend and that was a burden that bound her into a silent, painful oblivion.

She opened the Major's medical file and gazed at the small, poorly taken photograph. It was not the most flattering image that was for sure, but it was still beautiful, Sam was beautiful. "I love you so much." Doctor Frasier whispered to the ever silent image of her friend. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes to conjure up a fuller image of her beloved. Janet smiled as the Sam in her mind smiled, raising her head to look up at her...but then the Colonel was there and he stole all of her attention.

The Doctor's eyes flew open as pain coursed through her. She could not even so much as think about Sam without him invading and taking over. Now that was simply not good enough! "Damn you O'Neill." she muttered and slammed the file shut. "You better not hurt her." she threatened, trying to concede to the right course of action.

Frustration bubbled up, rash and sudden and Janet swiped out with her hand. Her flailing fingers caught the edge of a file and it tumbled to the floor. Annoyed she glared accusingly at it before growling deeply in genuine anger. Of course it was his file that had fallen down and of course it just happened to be the za'tarc report that fell out of it.

The words 'more than I'm supposed to.' did not feature anywhere in the report. General Hammond had ordered her to be clear but not concise in her interpretation of events. It seemed even he was for Jack and Sam, even though he was the last person on the base that should be condoning such boarder-line behaviour within his ranks. It seemed the whole universe was for Jack and Sam and she alone stood against it, she alone was not allowed to have her feelings validated. A tear pricked her eye at what seemed like the hugest personal injustice of all time. Irrationally she hated them all, everyone at the SGC...every single god-damned one of them.

Trying to reign in her wayward and vastly unjustified thoughts Janet shoved the single sheet of paper roughly back into the file jacket and chucked it onto the desk. She had to get out of here. Her emotions were getting the better of her. It was time she was home with Cassie, home where she could count on her little girl to make her feel better. A single hug from Cass would be enough to take the edge off. Briefly she ached for Sam's arms to be around her, for Sam to be sitting on her sofa Cassie on her other side, the perfect picture of family bliss.

Janet shook herself out of her painful fantasy and swallowing the lump in the back of her throat she headed for the door. She would simply lock her office rather than take the time to secure all the medical files that were still out. No-one at the SGC would snoop anyhow and she need to go, she needed to go now and most likely cry all the way home.

As she stood waiting for the elevator to come up from twenty-six she heard the sound of voices from around the corner. "Oh no!" she groaned and futilely pushed at the button to speed the thing up. It was the unmistakable sound of a happy Jack and Sam and they were coming closer. Janet could not deal with them, not now, not when she was feeling so aggrieved and vulnerable. A sharp physical stabbing coursed through her as Sam laughed at something the Colonel said. Janet could clearly picture Sam's hand drifting out and playfully touching his arm in appreciation of his humour. She leaned her head against the still closed elevator doors. "Please, please!" she begged.

Just in time the doors opened and Janet hurried inside. "Hold the elevator." Sam called as she turned at the very back of the small space. Biting her lip and feeling more than a little guilty she quickly depressed the close button and the doors hissed slowly shut. "Janet?" Sam enquired as she came into view and they locked eyes a fraction before the doors sealed themselves and the elevator juddered upwards.

Janet's guts spilled themselves upside down and she collapsed under the strain of her emotional distress. She allowed herself the relief of just a few brief tears, that was all she could afford at the moment. Self pity washed over her. Being in love with Sam Carter was a terrible, terrible thing sometimes. No, that was not true. Being in love with Sam was wonderful, never being able to do anything about it was the awful part. Though nowhere near as awful as watching the woman you love pine after someone else. That was soul destroying.

The elevator climbed on and Janet Frasier cursed her jealous heart. Regrouping her energies she hauled herself up off the floor. The doors would soon open again and she would plaster on her professional smile and no-one she met from here till she was home would ever know the truth of the turmoil she was going through.

END

* * *

**AN: ...Actually I don't have anything more to say about this one. The green eyed monster is a terrible beast. Never a friend but always lurking in the corner of the room...**


End file.
